the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
