My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
