R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
