no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.