clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
