Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
