I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list