I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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