literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We left the knife in your bed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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