The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
