Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
