Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
