I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
