You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
