I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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