So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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