I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize