they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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