yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
