Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
