Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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