Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
