16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
