Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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