i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
