the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
