Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
