1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
