ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
