I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
