i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
