What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
