The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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