they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
