He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize