I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
