You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You are a genius and a whore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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