remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
