Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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