ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
