just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You did what with his pubic hair?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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