So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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