We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
