i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
