I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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