the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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