I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
