guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
