After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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