He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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