he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
