I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
