I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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