His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
