My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
