Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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