Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
