Fuck appropriateness.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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