You're completely useless in the revolution.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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