I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
