After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
