Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize