Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
