just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
