Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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