It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
