i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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