Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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