you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
