What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
