for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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