I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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