I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
