Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
