the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Umm I'm too high to move.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
