you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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