It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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