You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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