There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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