I puked a lego.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
