I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
