hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
