just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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