I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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